Here's a looser Old Irish version:
Sét fo gréin
Snám tar réin / Snámh ind réin
Saer co céinlit.
a path under (the) sun
swimming over (the) sea / (the) swimming of the sea
free for long (a long time)A (somewhat stylised) Modern Irish version could be:
Séad faoin ngréin
Snámh an réin
Saor go céinlit.
a path under the sun
swimming the sea
free for a long timeNotes:
sét (and modern
séad) litearally means "a way/path" (cf.
droichead "bridge" <
drochset =
droch "wheel" +
sét "way", .i. wheelway), but is attested in sources with the metaphorical sense of "way, manner of life" (for example, in phrases like "Lord show us the way to..." etc.). Other words for "way" in Modern Irish (i.e. bealach, slí...) can also be used meaning "(way of) life".
The word is homophonous with another word (sét/séad) meaning "an object of value, treasure" (modern séad can also mean "jade"), which lends to an interesting double reading of the first line = "a manner of living in the sun" and "a precious thing in sunlight", or combined, "to be in the sunshine is precious" (
séad [a bheith] faoin ngréin).
One old Irish word for the sea or ocean, as here, is
rían (< Proto-Celtic *rēnos "river, waterway", from which stems the original name for the Rhine river). The use is all but gone in Modern Irish, though, except maybe in the phrase
gabhra réin in FGB ("sea-mares", white-crested waves, that is, white horses).
The form
réin is the correct Genitive (i.e. "of the sea"), but with the first Old Irish version
tar réin it is in the Dative, as if it were a feminine a-stem (it should be
tar rían), but I left it as is since it is attested in a manuscript in this form and also contributes to the rhyme.
The second option (
ind réin) and the Modern version are grammatically corrected and use the Genitive, with the meaning "Swimming the sea/ocean". The word
rian also has the meaning "course, route, path, way" (tying into the "way" in sét/séad of the first line), however this double reading would only work in this instance with the Old Irish, as the Modern Genitive form of rian with this meaning is
riain.
The use of rian (gen. réin) for "sea/ocean" is highly archaic in the Modern Irish (maybe also in the Old), and wouldn't likely be readily understood (jsyk), but its poetry and form suit this instance in my opinion.
The final line is the most divergent from your original request, but I struggled to find any word that would fit the metrics. I think the essence is still there, however -
saer/saor "free" and
saír(s)e/saoirse "freedom" are very strong words in Irish, intrinsically linked to uprising and rebellion (similar to drinking the wild air, maybe?). I've used
co céin/go céin in a slightly artistic manner - in Old Irish
co céin móir is the usual phrase, meaning "for a long time" (literally "until length big"), but it is still grammatically sound without the adjective (technically meaning "for a length (of time)" as opposed to "for a long length (of time)". Alternatively, you could have the final line as Old Irish:
Saer (h)i céin, Modern:
Saor i gcéin, both meaning "Free far away", or Old
Saíre/Saírse (h)i céin, Modern:
Saoirse i gcéin, meaning "Freedom far away/Distant Freedom", but i wasn't sure if this would suit the request (the h is merely orthographic in (h)i for the Old Irish, and could be inserted or left out at will).
Another adaptation building on the above, that would work only in Modern Irish would be:
Séad faoin ngrian
Snámh thar rian
Saor is fiáinA path under the sun
Swimming over [the] sea
Free and wildThe main difference is the dropping of divergent grammatical case forms (grian vs. gréin). The rhyme here is slightly broken, however -
fiáin has a long a in western dialects and a slender n (nʲ) instead of a broad n (nˠ). If read aloud, it mightn't be that noticeable in some Ulster/Munster Irish dialects:
Ulster (Gaoth Dobhair):
/ʃeːd̪ˠ fˠinʲ ɲɾʲian̻ˠ/
/sˠn̻ˠaːw haɾˠ ɾˠian̻ˠ/
/sˠiːɾˠ isˠ fʲiː.anʲ/
Audio:
http://www.abair.tcd.ie/?view=listen&la ... rs=defaultMunster (Corca Dhuibhne):
/ʃeːd̪ˠ fˠeː ɲɾʲiˑənˠ/
/sˠnˠaːvˠ haɾˠ ɾˠiˑənˠ/
/sˠeːɾˠ isˠ fʲiˑɪnʲ/
Note: Abair's audio version isn't 100% accurate in this case.
That said, I personally find it less poetic than the first option(s) - the short style has a deep-rooted history, and slightly archaic or artificial language suits its style better, I find.
Anyway, just some food for thought